The real.

What happens when I cease to exist? Will I be even thought of at all? This doesn't concern me but I am curious. What are the memories others will have of me? If you were to not have any memory of me I wouldn't exist. Would that change anything at all? Life is just a recollection of thoughts. If you don't experience it I believe it doesn't count. I've been places I never imagine I would've visited. Done things you'd never believe. These are the memories that I won't be remembered for.

How I've always put others before myself with disregard for my personal safety, freedom and gain. I have given my time. I have been used as a substitute for what wasn't there on more than one occasion. It's brought me pain and confusion. I won't say heartbreak because I've never owned my heart, it's always been divided evenly among those around me and redistributed whenever someone walks out. I don't own anything that I'm not willing to part with or give away to benefit someone else. I won't give up on anyone that easily but I know when to step aside. I've done it to the person that has known me from the start. At first I missed her but I've learned to fill the void. The most influential people in my life have always gone their way as soon as they make promise that they'll never leave me. I don't have old friends, I have people I knew or at least their memories.

It's safe for me to say that I won't cry over the memory of anyone ever again. I know what to expect but I always have hope. I suppose I need to find one how to become a memory of someone else.